Posted by: shellyweave | May 6, 2010

on falling.

I cannot stand the thought of falling. It makes me sick to my stomach. I love the view from mountain tops or the highest floor of a building, but I feel about ready to heave at the notion that someone could go tumbling to their death in mere seconds. I have friends that love to lean over the edges of things just to freak me out, like the balcony of a private box at the US Airway Center, or from the top level at the ball park. It’s an extremely difficult thing for me to deal with, but as I’ve stated on my little biography, I deal with it by putting myself in that situation.

Anytime it’s possible I will get on those ridiculous rides at theme parks that take you up, up, up for agonizingly long seconds, the needle’s shadow visibly trekking along- because for some sick reason I always sit on the side that shows me just how far I have to go until certain death. My hands tighten around the overhead locking mechanism, I do anything but look down, Meghan is next to me saying something about how awesome the view is and all I can manage is a small whimper, pathetically betraying my absolutely painful inner torment as the canals on the other side of the park come into my line of vision. And that is when I really lose it, because my body is all BAIL BAIL BAIL and my head is like YOU SUCK YOU SUCK GET OUT NOW and my hands are going I CANNOT PHYSICALLY GRIP ANY TIGHTER WOMAN and I’m still quietly crying, tearing up even at the the thought of what doom is hanging over my head and then it happens:

That almost inaudible little click, that devilish sound; my eyes squint shut as tightly as they can and I let out a small little puff of air and my heart hammers against my ribs and everything is one big whoosh and the sky is trying to take me with it and Meghan is squealing with delight and I am falling.

And it is the best freaking feeling in the entire world.

Nothing beats the fact that I just looked my biggest fear in the eyes and said “Not today, buddy boy.” My knees wobble for a half hour afterwards and my stomach tightens into knots just thinking about that stupid ride, but the next time I’m there I know I will be in one of those colorful seats, counting the seconds until that gut wrenching, heart stopping free fall.

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