the end.

The general consensus of what Wednesday will bring is a beginning. It’s the beginning of the rest of two hundred and some odd lives as the first senior class from my school graduates. The beginning of a new senior class. The beginning of the much sought-after vacation. The beginning of summer jobs, summer reading, and summer sun. Everything starts once that last bell rings.

But to me it’s a crashing, halting end. I’m talking slamming into a brick wall and breaking teeth ending. It’s crept on me so suddenly that most of the time I forget that I’m even supposed to be studying for finals or cleaning out my school bag. All of the things that I’ve in previous years looked forward to and longed for just haven’t happened, or I’ve missed them. Or maybe they missed me. Either way I haven’t felt that anxiety of the last week of school yet, and now I’m looking at the last two days. The last full day of classes. The last time I have to eat lunch at school (half days baby!). The last time I will ever park way out in the boonies.

Well that last one is a hope, not so much a bona fide fact.

But as I was sitting at two of my closest friends’ graduation I realized that they are out of here. For good. They’re totally done with school, and can move on to bigger and better things. Without me. And now Friday brought the last day of all of my senior friends from my school. Half of them I’ll probably never see again after their ceremony on Wednesday evening, and that’s scary to me. Because that brought the notion that this time next year, half the people I’ll be sitting with in blue and red robes I will NEVER see again.

And then I started hyperventilating.

Exactly one year from Wednesday I will be leaving behind everything and everyone that I know now. Just like the seniors are doing now. And that’s a big freaking deal.

So to answer your inquiry, yes. I’m super duper sad that all of my friends are leaving, but I’m also super duper freaked out that we’re up next.