Posted by: shellyweave | July 10, 2010

edward cullen and you. LOL JK YOU WILL NEVER BE WITH EDWARD CULLEN.

OK. I get it, I do. The flawless skin, the golden eyes, the oddly bronzed bouffant hair. Edward Cullen is every woman’s dream! He’s polite, handsome, doesn’t want to pressure you into sex, and saves your life a few billion times. He’s damn near perfect.

Except the tiny, meticulous, almost not even there fact that HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST.

I know, your pathetic little world just shattered into a billion, diamond like pieces that for whatever reason sparkle in the sunlight instead of burn into ugly, terrifying scars that would be utterly fearsome to behold, therefore scaring you away, instead of alluring you to the point of obsession, even when other piles of diamond pieces come after you with armies of shardy diamonds that vant to suck your blooooddddd and/or obliterate you from the planet in a jealous rage, oh and just wait until the Royal Diamond Piles come after you and your half diamond half human baby in a really drawn out fourth installment that ends with NO FIGHT SCENE, just a peaceful you’re wrong, my baby is not a diamond child that was created, but actually ripped from my uterus and is the reason my diamond pile husband turned me into a diamond pile anyway. Wait, we’re still talking about your world’s little broken pieces right?

Anywhoooo! Edward Cullen is the brainchild of Stephenie Meyer, and was designed specifically to entice little girls into thinking that there is a perfect boy out there for everyone, even if he does sparkle. And want to kill you. And creeps outside your window at night. While I believe in soulmates, I do not believe that someone who is completely hot, romantic, poetic, chivalrous, and all around beautiful is coming my way. Because people like that do not exist anymore. Boys aren’t taught to hold doors and speak politely to women, they are taught that sensitivity is wrong and crying is the worst thing they can ever do.

So stop looking for Edward Cullen, someone who was created to make people fall in love with him, and start looking for your (and I hate to say this) Jacob Black. Albeit, Jacob isn’t entirely realistic either, but the werewolf (or shapeshifter? whatever) thing aside, he is much more believable. He screws up, he gets mad, and his manners are somewhat lacking. But he still cares, and he is still wonderful. So go for the one that you have to punch and break your hand to realize you love him, and not the fool that keeps you completely obsessed to the point of ruin when he takes a vacation to Italy for awhile.

MEGHAN! Good luck on your job interview on Monday, and I hope you get it! I really do 🙂 Love you girl. See you when I get back from camp in a week!

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