Posted by: shellyweave | September 6, 2010

mix-mashed-jumble-of-nonsense

I feel like I have lost all my inspirations as a writer. I’ve suddenly become timid and weak minded and full of conventional, close-minded thoughts. My spelling has become a wreck and I can’t even begin to think about my grammar without cringing. (Spell check is saving my life right now and proof reading has become a necessary evil.)

I’m sitting here trying to write some insanely amazing newspaper articles for my school newspaper and I am falling oh so short. It’s like the “use it or lose it” theory really has come into play in my life. I haven’t written coherently in over a month and as a result my inspirations and thoughts have turned into a jumble of mix-mashed mush inside of my brain.

The cause is really unable to be pinpointed. My writing skills just up and left me one day.

Tonight, my prayer, is that I can get it back.

My prayer is sent to that God who has granted so many prayers before, and denied an equal number. Tonight, I hope that He can see this one through. That it is in His will to grant me some thoughts of some sort of provoked wisdom. That writing will once again become effortless, and not something that I have to force myself to do. So writing, come back to me. I miss your eloquent flow from my typing fingers.

The only plus side to this madness is the intense jump in my crazy, random, silly poetry writings. They have gone through the roof. It’s like it is physically impossible for me to be creative poetically, strong argumentatively and  bold with my thoughts at the same time. One always over powers the other.

On a somewhat side tangent, I had a dream the other night that I shaved my head. In this dream I was completely bald and although I cried for the entirety of the dream, it was not a feeling of fear or a feeling of shame, but the feeling of freedom and rawness that scared me. My math class dream interpreter Sydney told me it meant I was ready to show another side of myself, that I was ready to open up and let go. Dreams are beyond intriguing. I’m enraptured by the mind and the way that it works. I don’t know where I’m going with this (again it is the intense writer’s block kicking in.)

At least I have been able to speak my mind to this tiny little site that is slowly sliding to a complete halt. Even if not one single person cares enough to read, I still care enough to write. I’m trying to care enough to write. I just wish I knew that one person cared enough to read.

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